God, you have GOT to be kidding me!

Duty. That's an ugly word today. The situation started out pretty exciting. The pastor of the church we're looking into working at found some secondary work for us at their church association offices. Confusing, I know. From the sound of it, it seemed like the perfect job for my husband. His job has slowly been going to you-know-where in a handbasket. I had actually spent the last several days praying for a new situation for him, since the church probably won't be able to support him fully. I was so excited! What an answer to prayer! He was pretty darn excited, too.

Then we got the job description. Sigh. So very much not up his alley. Even worse, it was up mine. At least, work experience wise. I have just gotten out of two-and-a-half years of office hell. I've never liked working in an office environment and was especially miserable in that terrible job. That was a big part of this church opportunity being an answer to my prayers. My own schedule and no stupid secretarial/admin assistant job!

I desperately, terribly, whole-heartedly do not want this job. But it would be stupid not to take it. I'd be good at it. It is only 30 hours a week which is better than 40 and the pay is at the top of what I was looking for. It would help us financially and maybe help us buy a house. This time it would even be in a "Christian" workplace! What an amazing opportunity right? Yeah, I desperately, terribly, whole-heartedly do not want this job.

I do not believe that God is cruel or the type that would get your hopes up for nothing. So why in the world am I back in this situation that I just thought I'd escaped? Why is it that I don't feel a particular leading in this? If I felt a big no, I would have such relief. If I felt like this was meant to be, I would resign myself and have peace. Instead, my interview tomorrow has a strong resemblence to one of those super intrusive dentist appointments.

So, as a woman who's God has never led me wrong before, I am going to go to that interview tomorrow. I am going to pray a lot. I am going to trust God to handle this situation. I am going to trust that if I get this job, it will not be the end of the world like my emotions are telling me. And I am going to try my darnedest not to whine the whole way. Yeah, not being real successful with the whining so far. Will keep you updated on the rest.