Family in the Ministry?

Yes, I know. Two blogs in one day. Tsk, tsk. My defense is that I have missed several blogging days that I need to make up. The truth is that my previous blog got me thinking on a whole separate topic.

So what about family in the ministry? We've all seen those preacher's kids who seem to go crazy on reaching adolesence and adulthood. We've seen those missionary's kids who turn away from their faith forever. We've seen the bitterness they have for their parents. We've seen the men who cheat on their wives with some cute girl in the youth group. We've seen marriages of the great and "godly" desolve. Can kids be brought up successfully by parents in the ministry? Can marriages survive the ministry?

These questions have haunted me since I met that husband of mine who was determined to go into the ministry. I was brought up in the ministry, so to speak. From the time I was six until I was twelve, my parents worked as houseparents at a Christian children's home. We had between six and twelve troubled teenagers living in our house pretty much 24/7. The plus was that I had lots of older brothers and sisters, some of which I adored. I also learned how to relate to people from the lowliest walks of life (they were my siblings after all) and learned from their many mistakes. However, part of the reason that I was so bonded with them is because I felt like one of them. They didn't have parents around. I didn't have my parents around either. For six years, I gave up my parents for those kids. My parents weren't just absent physically, but emotionally and mentally. I felt very abandoned. For years after we left, I hated my parents for making me feel like one of those teens. You see, it doesn't matter if parents in ministry are abandoning their kids for a good cause. It's still abandonment.

As we are now looking not only at going into the ministry very soon, but also starting to have children, this topic is really on my mind. As I told my husband when we were dating, I CANNOT DO THIS TO MY CHILDREN! I cannot say it emphatically enough. The sad thing is that to some extent, I probably will. In fact, I already have trouble putting the ministry before my husband. I get caught up in my work and forget to look into his needs. I see a need before me and feel the desire to take the time to help that person, forgetting the husband who is waiting on me yet again. My husband is very understanding, but what havoc will this eventually wreck on our marriage? What will my young, non-understanding children feel like if I do this to them? What will my children and I feel like when my husband misses yet another night/day/week with us?

For once, I am at a complete loss. I can think about things that I could do better or that I wish my parents would have done, but ultimately I have no idea what this sort of family would look like. What does it take to make your spouse and kids number one? How much time, love, energy? There is no fiddling around with this and I dare not just experiment. Besides my God, my husband and children are the most important things in my life. How can I effectively do the ministry that I am called to do and still be there for them? That is the one big humdinger of a question.