I am starting to potty train and my son is 16 months old. Yep, you heard right, 16 months. I have found less disbelief and more disgust and loathing over the fact that I would rope my son into growing up so early.
These days it is the general thought that potty training is not done until 2 1/2. To train before is damaging, inappropriate and downright impossible. The funny thing is we all forget that our grandmothers potty trained our parents that early. Early used to be the rage. Here's why:
1. My biggest reason is that I am due with a baby when my son is 20 months old. It's not a matter of luxury not to have 2 in diapers...I just can't afford it!
2. My mother, grandmother, etc. potty train by 18 months old. It's just what they've done with all of us kids (my cousins included). None of us have potty problems or low self-esteem from pottying early. In fact, my matriarchs swear by it!
3. By the time kids reach 2 they are used to sitting in their own mess. They are also used to their own way. They are much more capable and prone to being rebellious about new things. Basically, they understand a little better so yes it is easier to get them to grasp the concept, but you're going to fight with them more once they realize what you're asking of them. 3 is even worse!
4. It's just easier! The thing is, all moms dread potty training. It is a little time consuming the first week or so getting them to the bathroom, but time and again moms find that once they are trained it's a breath of relief. Yes, you have to be near a bathroom, but it still makes life so much easier to just sit and flush! And it's such an amazing feeling of pride when your child passes that hurdle.
So why the heck do I know what I'm talking about? Well, partially just from the women who came before me. My grandmother trained all of her children, all of her grandchildren (minus my family) and many daycare children. My mother trained her children and literally (no lie) about 50 daycare children. They both also gave advice to countless mothers and helped them train early.
In addition, I've done it myself! Throughout most of my teen life my mother ran a home daycare. Now being homeschooled I was expected to help with the family business and do my homework in between times (only because I was able to do so without my work suffering). Even after going away to highschool, I was expected to spend my days off, even sick days helping with the mass of children in our house.
Now my mother is the type that delegates. Guess what that meant? She would make the decision to potty train, give me instructions and I would do the dirty work. It made sense for her to stay with the majority, but yes I was in charge of potty training. Never in charge of the decision making of the process, but I've seen/helped with countless kids getting potty trained. I've seen what works and what doesn't.
Needless to say, I've read a few books in preparation for my son's training thinking I'd find some great wisdom since they were published after all. A bunch of crap or reiteration of what we did was what I found.
So for those of you who would like to know what works from a ton of experience rather than one dad/mom posting their opinions from their limited experience and scientific studies...
Here's what works:
- M&Ms baby! They are magic. Now my son is allergic to dairy which posses a big problem for us. We're working on gummie bears right now, but nothing is quite as alluring as M&Ms. More on how our candy struggle goes.
- Cloth training pants or undies. You can add plastic pants if you need them not to leak, but the ability to leak and make an uncomfortable mess is essential.
- Training chair, potty ring, whatever is necessary. Don't just set them up on the big potty. The one exception is my mother now swears by placing them on the big potty backwards so they can hold onto the back, not feel like they're falling and this points boys downwards. I haven't tried it and am personally starting with a chair.
- A high (real high) pee guard for boys. Moms, you know how high your boys can spray! No imagine at a toilet angle...
- Consistency and dedication! Make your plan, tell them your terms and stick to it!
Here's what doesn't work:
- Pull-ups. This is just an easier diaper. If they don't feel that mess they are making, they won't care. They're used to messing diapers, why would a pull-up change anything? It just perpetuates the behavior and makes it to where they don't understand why you are insisting things change.
- Shaming or discipline for potty mistakes. Potty training needs to be an encouraging process. There is a difference between realizing that "Oh know! You made a mess on the floor!" and then kindly helping them to clean up and reiterating how to do it next time (in the potty), versus "You nasty child, you peed your pants like a baby! Shame on you!". This just makes them afraid of the potty process and will lead to things like holding, nervous wetting, and back sliding. They need to know they made a mistake, but also that it's fixable and understandable as they are just learning! Obviously, a lot of parents with stubborn kids hit a wall well through the process when the child decides they don't want to anymore. At that point, some discipline might be necessary, but please keep in mind where the discipline could lead. We're also talking way....down the potty training road. Check out the emotional or physical reasons behind their failures first.
- Trying to potty train a little here or there. This is an easy out for parents and just confuses the kids. It also teaches them a message that potty training is optional and not that important. You can try it, but it'll take you a year at least to get the finished product.
**Disclaimers. I am not a trained psychologists so no I technically don't have a degree to give advice with. Just don't it more than just about any psychologist I'm willing to bet.
One other thing I'd like to make clear is that you cannot work against a child's developmental abilities. When I talk about potty training as early as 16 months there are some areas I know we will not be able to conquer. For instance, it takes kids quite a while to develop the bladder size and control to go dry overnight or over nap. I do not believe that is appropriate to closer to 2, some kids even later. It is also with the understanding that at this age they do not have complete control over how to potty or even what they are doing. This age is more mommy training to help them get on the pot consistently and help them see how their body works.
For instance, today I finally got some pees in the potty from my son. Starting out, he had no idea that he peed out of his boy part or how to do it on command. His body just took care of it. By the end of the day (really just an afternoon), he was amazed to watch pee come out of him, realized what the pee feeling was like so he knew as it started what was happening, knew that pottying on the floor made messes and immediately upon starting would get concerned (he hates messes), and finally was beginning to realize that he could pee when he wanted on the pot.
They are smart! Give them some credit. They learn fast and they don't have to understand the process before you start. What better way to learn it than with mommy and daddy guiding them through the process making it fun and magical?
I realize my opinions are not popular and that people can successfully potty train with other methods. However, mine are tried and true and it's what I'm going to do. So for the rest of you "old fashioned" moms out there, here's some of that advice that you haven't been finding!
Follow along through my next posts as I tell the story of our progress.
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