The Great Adventure!

My favorite movie of all time is Disney's "Beauty and the Beast." I adore this movie for several reasons. As a music major, I have yet to find a movie with a better, more moving soundtrack. The opening scene of waterfall, haunting piano music gives me chills every time. I love the purity and romance of the story. I love that redemption, honesty, inner beauty, and love are celebrated. What I love most about the movie is that I completely relate with Belle's character. Ok, maybe not the beauty part. I have never been in danger of being considered the catch of the town or even beautiful. However, growing up, I was totally that girl walking down the street with her nose in a book. Not academic books either, mind you, but stories of "far off places, daring sword fights, magic spells, a prince in disguise!"

The climax of the movie for me (and the part as a young girl that I found myself always singing, pretending I was Belle) was after Belle is offered a marriage proposal by the male town catch. She is offered a chance to settle down in what the town considers the best opportunity a girl can possibly attain. What does Belle do? She not only throws her potential suitor out the door, into the mud, but goes on to explain what she really wants. With dramatic music and fantastic artistry that captures the longing in her face she sings, "I want much more than this provincial life! I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell!" And then the music calms and gets more reflective to something she wants even more deep in her inner being. "And for once it might be grand to have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned."

That phrase always stuck with me. Like Belle, I always knew that I wanted adventure and to do great things, not for the acclaim or riches, but because I knew I was destined to and I wanted more than just "this provincial life." However, I realized early on that not very many people felt the same way or understood my longing. As a girl, Belle was the only person who understood me. Well, Belle and one other person...God.

From an early age, I was lucky enough to make the decision to let Him pilot my life. Not just in theory, but I really do let Him make the decisions for me. I've always been able to find His sense of peace and KNOW when a decision was what He wanted. It always took time, but in the end I have never regretted a single decision that I knew was His way. And I knew that God had destined me for something great! I could feel it in my bones! I still believe it today. However, I am finding an interesting pattern in His decision making.

My first great adventure started as a senior in highschool. I was fantastic at music. I was told over and over that I could go to Broadway and I knew I could, too. God needed Christians in the musical world and there was nothing that thrilled my soul like the adventure of being on stage, in the spotlight, singing my heart out, and loving what I was doing!!! Even now I can hear the soundtrack of my life starting up in my head with that dramatic music and then....zmph. The music comes to a screeching, fizzling halt. God walked in and said, "Um...nice idea, but nope. I have other plans." "Hmmm...." I said. "Well, I know you have big plans for me, so what else could they be?" Cue the music!

Being a missionary! I loved kids, I loved working with kids, I love other cultures and I had no male relationships in my life and no desire to risk myself with any of the male specimens around me. To work in an orphanage...I would love that! That has got to be it! So many things grew my love for missions and going on a big adventure around the world!!!!...zmph. "Nope, not quite it." Then God throws a husband my way. I mean, I love this man more than anything and he is the greatest husband in the world, but marriage? Really? What could be more boring and un-Belle like.

In fact, if there's one thing I've learned about marriage it is that life becomes as much anti-adventure as possible. You spend the evenings at home...again. You worry about the adventures of money and try to avoid them with every fiber of your being. When there's two of you, you're kind of stuck. You can't zip across the world to meet a need or take a low paying job that will save the world. You just become...steady.

And then I found something I loved more than anything else in the past. Something I knew I was knitted together in the womb for, completely and utterly made for! Music ministry in the church! Something I'd always dreamt about doing, but wasn't sure I could possibly attain. The fun and meaning of changing kid's lives through kid's choir. The excitement of directing a show or concert. The majesty of leading a choir. The importance of 60+ people looking to you for leadership with trusting, eager faces. The thrill of directing an orchestra and the utter joy of realization that you've never enjoyed anything more! The perfection of touching someone's life with your testimony about God on a weekly basis, despite the fact that you stumbled through it. And the best part...I can do it while being married! There is adventure here!

...zmph. Then I got pregnant. Let me tell you, it's pretty impossible to enjoy the majesty of a Sunday morning when all you can think about is when you can escape to put your head in the toilet. It's also pretty impossible to follow an adventurous career at church when you have a little cling-on. Talk about being pulled way down to earth by a tiny hand. I landed with a huge "thump!" Throughout my pregnancy I know both my husband and I both felt that "thump!" of responsibility. Now we're really stuck. As I looked for jobs to do after the baby, I found myself in tears again and again wishing I could follow that adventure, follow what God made me to do. Isn't that what I should be doing? Why in the world if God made me for adventure did He make it impossible? For really, with this baby I had followed typical protocol and knew that this baby was what God wanted for me and when He wanted it. So what was up?

It came to a head a few nights ago in a dream. I dreamed that my husband and I were a week away from graduation. I don't know what exact degrees we were getting, but we had both struggled through and were getting our masters degrees! We were so excited! In my dream (and probably in reality as I slept) I started to cry. I had achieved an adventure and honor I have always wanted. What's more, this degree was going to help slingshot both of us into further adventures. Then I woke up... I kept on crying. In fact, I was crying inside the rest of the day. The disappointment that not only had we not even started on our masters, but really there is no real hope in sight of getting it. Really, there is no hope in sight for any of our adventures. That realization finally settled in and stung. Boy did I resent this baby!

A few days past and I felt a little encouraged by a new adventure. It's not that big nor that great and will only last for a short time. It's going to stink basically the entire time and not receive a lot of appreciation. Ok, let's face it. It's an adventure I've never really wanted to have and I'm just holding onto it because it's the only one I have left. The adventure of birth. I'm at most a week away from the hellish adventure of labor. Here is an adventure that God has given me...and something that deep inside, I'm really looking forward to. An adventure that is pure and clean and meant to be since the dawn of time. An adventure I've realized that I wouldn't trade for any of the others. An adventure that's going to bring me my beloved baby boy.

And it hit me. So far I've been following God's leading. Instead of the big adventures I keep getting led off on all of these rabbit trails of typical life, missing out on the big events. Definitely not where I wanted to be, definitely the places I scorned other people for ending up, but definitely where God has led me. But what if these are the big adventures? After all, what could be more beautiful than showing God in our marriage and changing a friend's life through it? What can be better than to hear I've been missed at my little church ministry and that there's an adventurous job waiting for me later? What can be more exciting than trying to work out future adventurous possibilities around a family? And, perhaps, what can be a greater adventure than bringing new life into the world?

Belle, I finally have your answer. Life , yes even this provincial one, is the big adventure.