Stupid Office Injuries

I am a workman's comp nightmare. I have several jobs worth of co-workers that know this about me. No, I don't work with any heavy machinery so I haven't ripped off a limb or anything yet. However, my ability to hurt myself with the smallest desktop staples (pun not intended, but accepted) is legendary.

Oh sure, I get all of the typical office injuries: tendonitis (in both wrists), stubbed toes, banged body parts, scratches, even a twisted ankle and knee once. The problem is that those are only the beginning. Here's a list of just the unusual injuries that I can remember:

• Stappled my thumb.


• Cut myself with scissors multiple times


• Smashed my finger while whole punching


• Cardboard cuts


• Intense paper cuts off plan paper which got close to slitting my wrist


• Cut off half my thumb nail with the paper cutter (The only reason I have escaped worse mutilation from that thing is that I'm terrified of it!)


• Burned on copier parts


• Several bumps on the head (one actually creating a raised egg) from the phone


• Cut from paper clip


• Stabbed with pen


• Missed my chair sitting down


• Cut my finger along with the tape on the dispenser

And now my latest...well...I think I saved the best for last.

• Snapped my eyeball with a rubber band.

Yes, this is actually possible. Come to find out a rubber band can break and snap back before you have time to blink.

I was putting a thin rubber band around something and it broke. The end whipped back catching me perfectly on my bare eyeball. There is now a stinging red spot on my eye. Feels similar to the time that a little girl in my afterschool ministry sliced my eyeball with her fingernail making it bleed for about 30 minutes...

Sound like a 4th Stooge? I really don't think I'm clumsy. Not normally. In fact, I pride myself on being somewhat graceful. Maybe I need to re-think that...

The terrifying question keeps running through my head...what's next...?