I'm Back!

I have been very remiss about writing over the last few months. Between a crazy summer schedule, current lack of internet at home, and general busyness I haven’t even thought about my blog for a few months now. A lot has changed…and a lot remains the same. So here’s an update of my life over these past summer months. I will warn you, my life is pretty much baby, baby, baby. Not that everything else isn’t upside down, but baby kind of takes all of my attention these days. Oh and yes, it’s long. What’s new.

End of May: Things kind of got better after my last post. I’ve surprisingly only had a few breakdowns so far from pregnancy hormones and that was the big one. Pregnancy wise, things were pretty terrible in May. I have never been so miserable in my entire life! Not much else happened it May. It was mainly a month of surviving pregnancy. I have to admit, I barely made it.

June: Started off with a bang! We found out we were having a boy, little Roen Alexander. I was still sick as a dog, but things were starting to get more fun. My hubby could finally feel the baby moving and somehow knowing the name and sex finally helped me to bond with Roen. I suppose it sounds terrible that after five months I still had not bonded with my little guy, but up to that point I was spending more time with the toilet than with my guy. Thankfully, he finally stopped feeling like a parasite and more like a baby.

Baby finally started taking a back burner this month. First, my closest friend in Colorado found out that her husband of three years had been racking up secret debt since they were married in an amount approaching one million. Ouch. Thankfully, it was all spent on silly little things and not on other women, but still… I’ve since spent most of my summer trying to encourage them and help them try to gather the pieces of their marriage. They are both non-Christians, but it’s been neat watching God work in their lives and pursue them doggedly. I have a feeling things might change in that department soon.

Then we got kicked out of our house. Ok, not literally. We’ve been living with my in-laws for a year and they decided to put the house up for sale. We had to move it or lose it by July. Talk about stressful! Especially considering we had a baby coming, no money and only four weeks of notice. Luckily, we found a sweet deal on a beautiful townhome and the in-laws wonderfully offered to cover most of the moving cost and deposit.

July: I have no idea how we made it through this month. Can I just say that we both went over and over our budget in June. We knew that there was no way we were going to be able to survive financially this month or the months to follow. Somehow each month we not only ended up in the clear, but with extra. Only God knows what happened there.

So we made the dumb decision to be packed to move before vacation, go on vacation, and move the day after we got back. Yikes! Talk about financial and physical ruin. Not to mention that we had to help the in-laws get the house ready to go on the market before we left. This was a crazy month! We somehow made it.

The best news of this month is baby news. The last week in June I finally started feeling better! I panicked a bit in July when my medication cost changed and I was forced to go it alone. However, I have since made it with not one day of sickness! THANK YOU GOD!!!! I finally had energy and felt a lot less out of my mind. Roen was not only moving, but showing personality and developing habits. My hubby and I had fun playing with him this month.

August: We took another little vacation with no money. My grandparents had their 50th anniversary party and we were told that we were expected to be in attendance. Somehow that all worked out too and we had a lovely time.

Which brings us up to the present. I am now 30 weeks pregnant and getting so close! I’m feeling so good and am so thankful that I finally got a reprieve! I still have problems such as I can no longer sit comfortably for any length of time, I can’t lay on my back, I’m up and down all night, and my toilet is still my friend although this time just because I am literally on a 5-15 minute pee schedule (my toilet paper bill is through the roof!), but that is nothing compared to before. I’m beginning to think that even being kept up all night by a newborn will feel like nothing compared to the first 5 ½ months of pregnancy.

Our problems are now in other areas. I have no idea what I am going to do for a job when this baby comes. I have had absolutely no luck finding a nanny job. I just recently started a temporary, super part time nanny job for a 3 month old and it’s making me second guess even staying home with my son. Children are so much work! Especially infants. Plus, I have this huge desire to teach kids or do church music professionally. I’m really missing not being involved with music at church and really missing teaching kids. I was hoping to find a job before I go on maternity leave, but am quickly realizing that probably won’t happen. I’m trying to find my way and trying to be patient and trust God to provide. He has all summer so surely He won’t just drop us come October. Just trying not to panic, since there really is nothing I can do.

Basically, my life is just on hold until this baby comes and I get settled into a new job. I am just battling fears about if I can handle all of the above and if it will work out. I thought I knew what I had coming or at least an idea. Becoming a parent has been the hardest and scariest thing I could ever imagine. Even though I wouldn’t trade it for the world, it’s not because it’s amazing or fun, but rather because it’s meant to be. And after all, who would send their child back, especially once they began meeting their baby? So my life is just in God’s hands for now. I’m just waiting to see where that takes me and learning to be still and trust.

Of course, looking back at these few months I really have nothing to complain about. I am no longer living with my in-laws, we have a beyond beautiful home that I love, we are able to pay our bills and our rent, and, best of all, I am finally feeling better! I have only gained 15 pounds with this pregnancy and am healthy, tiny, and very happy. I have no complaints.