The War of the Ribs

Do you believe that children are born inherently good? Do you believe that it’s society’s fault for corrupting our little angels? That they come out these cute little saints and then their parents get ahold of them and all hell breaks loose, literally? Well, you’re stupid. Or you’ve never really been near children. I don’t believe that anyone who has worked with young children and has even the tiniest bit of brains in their heads can deny that truth of an inherent sin nature. After working with kids for over 17 years, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Nobody ever has to teach a child how to lie or how to be selfish or how to manipulate their parents. Nope, kids know these tricks right from the get go and boy are they good at them!

For whatever reason, I think this is the funniest thing. I have two nieces and an adopted niece, all under 13 months old. I get the biggest kick out of watching their natural sin nature kick in even at their young ages. At 13 months old, my little niece is starting to learn the word “no” (always one of their first words). However, this is not where it starts. Oh no! At 8 months old, babies are fully capable of a full out fit if they don’t get their way. Even at 3 months or earlier they start developing this distinct cry in which you can totally hear, “That’s not fair! I’m not getting my way! I refuse to be happy simply because I’m not getting my way!” I have seen little babies that are just learning to crawl find out the evil thrill of the response you get from biting your little friend. Once they find any mobility (walking, crawling, even rolling over) we all know exactly where the first place they go to is. The forbidden territory is always the highlight. What’s a little toddler boy’s first response to a bug? Stomp! Utter domination and destruction! I can’t help but chuckle when I see this natural reaction from children.

Why in the world do I find it funny? I mean, sin is sin and sin is a very nasty thing. Well, perhaps it’s because they’re sinning with such innocence. They’re not hiding behind pretenses or feeling guilty for their behavior. That is something they also learn how to do pretty fast, but I love how little children originally just let that sinful attitude out without trying to pretty it up. It’s so honest. I love seeing that same ugliness that I like to hide when I sin just coming out. It reminds me of how ugly sin really is. It reminds me about how like a selfish, fit throwing child I really am. That sinning child is inside all of us, but we make it a lot uglier by trying to pretend it doesn’t exist. Trying to blame our sins on others. Babies don’t care who is keeping them from eating fast enough, they just know that they aren’t being satisfied quickly enough for their tastes. Babies don’t hide behind pretenses and throw out cutting remarks to mom about her lack of skill in meeting their needs. Nope, they just let that ugly squeal out that we adults like to turn into telling remarks, vengeful behavior and whatever other evil thing we can think of all the while pretending to be so righteous. Well, I’m not sure that I explained that as best I could or that that paragraph is completely theologically accurate, but you get the idea.

Now, I know what you other moms are thinking. It’s just not that funny when it’s your terrible two throwing a fit in Walmart over candy. Well, my turn has already come. My baby still has approximately 8 more weeks to cook and he’s already showing that hilarious little sin nature that makes him human. He’s got this one spot that he likes to put his foot in. It’s right on one of my organs right under my rib. He will push on that organ until it’s on fire and feeling like it’s going to burst. He’ll do this for hours. When he gets tired of that, he moves his foot a little farther up and pushes either on my diaphragm or right on my lungs, I’m not sure which. It causes me to have what feels like half capacity in that lung and gives mommy a panic attack when she can’t breathe. It even makes me quite light headed. Now, I completely understand that he is out of room and has no idea what he’s doing. That’s why mommy spends her day (yes, literally most of my day) gently pushing his foot into a new location. How does he respond to this? Well, you’d think that when he puts it immediately back that he’s just innocently not getting it. Maybe partially true. But the real truth comes out around the third time when he gets tired of being moved. That’s when he declares war. We literally have a strength war between my hand and his foot as he pushes back refusing to be moved yet again. He is ridiculously strong for such a little thing and he is very determined to win!

What is really going on? I call it “The War of the Ribs”, but really it’s a war of the wills. We are all born (really, conceived) with a God-given free will. We love to use it. It’s not that he doesn’t have another place to go. It’s not that he’s completely oblivious to my request. Not that I’m saying he’s a criminal mastermind fully capable of plotting the destruction of the world at this stage in life, but he does know a few things. He knows that he is being moved and he knows that he can move. He also knows that he doesn’t like it and sure as heck doesn’t want to. Sure enough, after enough wrestling he will eventually move to a new location. The amount of persuasion I have to give him though does not bode well for dealing with his terrible twos. 

Maybe you think I’m crazy or imagining things. Well, due to the extreme lack of space for my little 8 month old son we do this battle throughout the day. It really takes him no time at all to fall asleep for his typical 30 minutes, wake up forgetful of last play time, and pretty quickly get himself back into his favorite position. In fact, “The War of the Ribs” is going on as we speak. Somehow I’m still able to laugh as he yet again gets frustrated and gives me several huge, quick kicks in obvious anger (mind you my galbladder, appendix, or small intestine, whatever is there, is definitely not laughing). Because I love him and because I’m his mother, I can laugh even though his actions are continually bringing me pain. I can laugh at his innocence and relate to his struggle to act out his free will. It’s a lovely reminder to me of this wonderful God I have who maybe cannot completely laugh at the ugliness of sin in His perfection, but still looks fondly down at me when I am kicking my feet at Him, completely understanding the urge to act out that free will He gave me and yet He again so gently redirects me. Hopefully I continually live up to His example with my strong willed little boy.

I'm Back!

I have been very remiss about writing over the last few months. Between a crazy summer schedule, current lack of internet at home, and general busyness I haven’t even thought about my blog for a few months now. A lot has changed…and a lot remains the same. So here’s an update of my life over these past summer months. I will warn you, my life is pretty much baby, baby, baby. Not that everything else isn’t upside down, but baby kind of takes all of my attention these days. Oh and yes, it’s long. What’s new.

End of May: Things kind of got better after my last post. I’ve surprisingly only had a few breakdowns so far from pregnancy hormones and that was the big one. Pregnancy wise, things were pretty terrible in May. I have never been so miserable in my entire life! Not much else happened it May. It was mainly a month of surviving pregnancy. I have to admit, I barely made it.

June: Started off with a bang! We found out we were having a boy, little Roen Alexander. I was still sick as a dog, but things were starting to get more fun. My hubby could finally feel the baby moving and somehow knowing the name and sex finally helped me to bond with Roen. I suppose it sounds terrible that after five months I still had not bonded with my little guy, but up to that point I was spending more time with the toilet than with my guy. Thankfully, he finally stopped feeling like a parasite and more like a baby.

Baby finally started taking a back burner this month. First, my closest friend in Colorado found out that her husband of three years had been racking up secret debt since they were married in an amount approaching one million. Ouch. Thankfully, it was all spent on silly little things and not on other women, but still… I’ve since spent most of my summer trying to encourage them and help them try to gather the pieces of their marriage. They are both non-Christians, but it’s been neat watching God work in their lives and pursue them doggedly. I have a feeling things might change in that department soon.

Then we got kicked out of our house. Ok, not literally. We’ve been living with my in-laws for a year and they decided to put the house up for sale. We had to move it or lose it by July. Talk about stressful! Especially considering we had a baby coming, no money and only four weeks of notice. Luckily, we found a sweet deal on a beautiful townhome and the in-laws wonderfully offered to cover most of the moving cost and deposit.

July: I have no idea how we made it through this month. Can I just say that we both went over and over our budget in June. We knew that there was no way we were going to be able to survive financially this month or the months to follow. Somehow each month we not only ended up in the clear, but with extra. Only God knows what happened there.

So we made the dumb decision to be packed to move before vacation, go on vacation, and move the day after we got back. Yikes! Talk about financial and physical ruin. Not to mention that we had to help the in-laws get the house ready to go on the market before we left. This was a crazy month! We somehow made it.

The best news of this month is baby news. The last week in June I finally started feeling better! I panicked a bit in July when my medication cost changed and I was forced to go it alone. However, I have since made it with not one day of sickness! THANK YOU GOD!!!! I finally had energy and felt a lot less out of my mind. Roen was not only moving, but showing personality and developing habits. My hubby and I had fun playing with him this month.

August: We took another little vacation with no money. My grandparents had their 50th anniversary party and we were told that we were expected to be in attendance. Somehow that all worked out too and we had a lovely time.

Which brings us up to the present. I am now 30 weeks pregnant and getting so close! I’m feeling so good and am so thankful that I finally got a reprieve! I still have problems such as I can no longer sit comfortably for any length of time, I can’t lay on my back, I’m up and down all night, and my toilet is still my friend although this time just because I am literally on a 5-15 minute pee schedule (my toilet paper bill is through the roof!), but that is nothing compared to before. I’m beginning to think that even being kept up all night by a newborn will feel like nothing compared to the first 5 ½ months of pregnancy.

Our problems are now in other areas. I have no idea what I am going to do for a job when this baby comes. I have had absolutely no luck finding a nanny job. I just recently started a temporary, super part time nanny job for a 3 month old and it’s making me second guess even staying home with my son. Children are so much work! Especially infants. Plus, I have this huge desire to teach kids or do church music professionally. I’m really missing not being involved with music at church and really missing teaching kids. I was hoping to find a job before I go on maternity leave, but am quickly realizing that probably won’t happen. I’m trying to find my way and trying to be patient and trust God to provide. He has all summer so surely He won’t just drop us come October. Just trying not to panic, since there really is nothing I can do.

Basically, my life is just on hold until this baby comes and I get settled into a new job. I am just battling fears about if I can handle all of the above and if it will work out. I thought I knew what I had coming or at least an idea. Becoming a parent has been the hardest and scariest thing I could ever imagine. Even though I wouldn’t trade it for the world, it’s not because it’s amazing or fun, but rather because it’s meant to be. And after all, who would send their child back, especially once they began meeting their baby? So my life is just in God’s hands for now. I’m just waiting to see where that takes me and learning to be still and trust.

Of course, looking back at these few months I really have nothing to complain about. I am no longer living with my in-laws, we have a beyond beautiful home that I love, we are able to pay our bills and our rent, and, best of all, I am finally feeling better! I have only gained 15 pounds with this pregnancy and am healthy, tiny, and very happy. I have no complaints.